Man, this was one of the most infuriating experiences ever! Asshole has the worst fucking English on the planet, and the craziest part is that I always understand people no matter how bad their English is, and I never make them feel like they’re inferior, but this asshole is just different; he literally speaks in a super vague English, since he’s a preacher who, from the data I gathered speaks French, and not English (a Haitian preacher who lives in New York), so every time he said something vague, and I tried to understand him, he’d be like, “Yes.” without saying anything else, and a few minutes or hours later, I realize that he just wasted my fucking time, and that “Yes” of his didn’t mean shit. For instance, he asked me to give him Team Viewer access, and as an IT expert, I never had to give Team Viewer access to any of my customers, so he was literally the third person on the planet to access my PC. After too many attempts, trying to access his fourth laptop, he suggested I give him access to my PC, so I was like, “Oh, so you can use the Switch Sides feature, right?” And again, he was like, “Yes.” Then later I realized the bastard had no fucking clue what I was talking about, and even if he had ill intentions, he was too fucking dumb to do any harm. The idiot thought that by letting him access my PC, I could automatically access his PC, too, which is ridiculous, since he already knows how Team Viewer works, because when he asked for my Team Viewer credentials, I had already had 3 different Team Viewer sessions, connected to 3 of his laptops, and for some reason, I couldn’t access the fourth, and only later that I realized he gave me the wrong ID, and I thought it was the wrong password. The ID was valid, and I didn’t expect him to be that clumsy.
Anyway, this piece of shit hired me to transfer 70 gigabytes of media files about Jesus, preaching, and all that crap without giving me any details at all, and yet he had the fucking balls to ask me how much I would charge him. He didn’t mention:
1 – 70 gigabytes of data.
2 – The laptop containing said data is very old, while the other laptop has an 11th-gen Core i5.
I’m sure some idiotic reader will assume that this is probably some boomer, so we can’t blame him, but come on! You can easily tell a computer is old just by fucking using it or remembering when you bought it or just by comparing its performance to another laptop — nothing GamersNexus-y necessary. Besides, as far as I know, he has 4 laptops, and those are just the one I had Team Viewer access to. Why would a fucking preacher need that many laptops? I’m an IT expert with 16 years of experience, and I only have one powerful desktop PC. I charged him 5 bucks, because I assumed it was a basic task, but because of the bottleneck, it took 48 hours, especially when he could tell that I am very good, so he decided to fucking use me as his personal genie, and suddenly, he didn’t want to only transfer files from one laptop to another anymore; he wants to add some silly religious shit to his website’s homepage, disable OneDrive from startup on all 4 laptops, fix a streaming issue between YouTube, and vMix, and I lost track of what else he wanted me to do. I did all that shit for him, and yet he refused to show any sign of good faith (ironically) by at least sending me a partial payment.
Because his English is so fucking horrible, it was impossible to tell what he meant most of the time, and when I’d ask him for clarification, he’d just fucking answer with a super vague cancer-inducing “Yes”, and he’d later tell me that wasn’t what he meant. I’ve never been this fucking infuriated by a customer before! Welp, there’s a first time for everything, I guess. 🤷🏻♂️
When I tried to be empathetic (while my patience was already running thin), and I asked him to speak French instead, because I could tell that was his native language, he was like, “I know both.” As a guy who aced most exams in both French, and English from junior high to university, no, you fucking don’t, buddy!
When I asked him, “When do you plan on paying me?” He was like, “We’re almost done.” Trust me, if he had any intention of paying me, he wouldn’t pull any of that shit. I don’t mind helping people for a tiny fee from time to time, but usually, the person I’m helping is not fucking retarded. How do people even donate money to this guy, and how does he have a fucking prayer line? Jesus must be facepalming so hard right now! 🤦🏻♂️
How do these fucking cretins expect me to be professional, and keep my cool? Do they really think that I give a fuck about money that I would lose my sanity just to help them with their mundane shit? First off, I don’t get paid enough to do any of this shit, and second, I love my job so much, and that’s the only reason why I don’t charge people a fucking fortune for basic shit like most greedy-ass freelancers do on common platforms like Fiverr, Freelancer, and mostly Upwork where freelancers milk the clock with no fucking conscience whatsoever.
There’s nothing worse than people wanting your help, and yet they don’t make any effort to make your job easy, so they expect you to be a fucking psychic. This idiot doesn’t even understand what a “bottleneck” means, and he literally had the audacity to say to me, “IT will take 2 hours.” Which I assumed was his once again vague way of saying, “A better IT guy would only need 2 hours to send 70 gigabytes of data from an ancient laptop to a modern one.” No wonder he once said to me, “[sic] You’re the tech, and I’m not.”
I never understood the meaning of “language barrier” until I interacted with this guy, and despite my superhuman efforts to help him explain himself better, and the fact he tried to make it look like it was my fault that I didn’t understand him at every turn. I swear, man, some religious people have a lower IQ than that of a fucking potato! It’s bananas!
I should’ve known that when I gave him these 2 options:
1 – Place the order first, and then I’ll start working on your shit.
2 – I’ll get the job done, and then you can place the order.
When he chose the second option, I should’ve known he was up to no good, but lucky for me, 99% of the people who chose the second option before him were super happy with my services, and they paid me more than I charged them for, and they most likely had a huge smile on their face, and don’t get me started on the amazing feedback most of them left me. Unlike women’s common shit tests where you’re fucked either way, I like to give people the opportunity to appreciate me as a conscientious service provider, and customers rarely fail that test. I mean, think about it, why would you fuck someone over for blowing you away with their tech skills? Why risk losing them forever when you can always ask for their help, especially that I won’t charge them as much as a first-world freelancer would. A first-world freelancer or agency can literally cornhole you financially, and convince you that it was totally fine, so at least when you hire a third-world freelancer like me, don’t be an ungrateful cunt, since first, you’re in the presence of greatness, and second, this confidence of mine that you may consider “arrogance”, like Rome, it was not build in a day.
What my future customers should really know is that if it were up to me, I’d rather get straight to work than talk to customers, because my real passion is the thrill of solving tech problems. It’s no wonder that sometimes I wish we were telepathic creatures, so that I wouldn’t have to convince anyone to hire me. I’m not really interested in talking to you, so if I seem like a talkative son of an angel (sorry, but I love my mom too much to call her a bitch) to you, know that first, I’m a spontaneous guy, and second, if you misinterpret any of the shit I say, you’ll just be making it harder for me to help you, and believe me when I say, you really need someone like me on your side, because I will never betray you or seek revenge if you decide to fuck me over, so I am confident enough that the chances of me being at fault in most situations are practically zero. And also, I have zero respect for people who fuck shit up, and then start playing mind games by trying to gaslight me, and guilt-trip me into apologizing. I don’t even believe in apologies; I only believe in making amends. I didn’t survive all these years by lying, and scamming people; I did it by being the realest most honorable person you could ever meet, so if you decide to suspend me from your pathetic platform that’s crawling with scammers or decide I’m incompetent or unprofessional because you didn’t like the fact that I’m a better conversationalist who doesn’t send people generic copy-pasted shit like you do, and then wonder why you need depression meds, and I don’t, remember that, as long as the Universe is expanding, an asshole or two won’t prevent me from living my life in the most honorable way imaginable, and yes, I say that, because I am a very honorable person with a heart of gold, and I make it my life’s mission every day to prove Bertrand Russell wrong when he claimed that:
Unlike you, Mr. Preacher, I don’t need a god or religion to be the best version of myself, and I don’t need to justify scamming people by hiding behind gods, and religions like a spineless coward. I don’t scam anybody, period, and I always take responsibility for my actions, and to me, karma is my ability to get over assholes’ bullshit, and never stooping to their pathetic level by seeking revenge. Over, and out! Mic Drop